February, 2, 2014, Toronto, Canada - In this SAFE International Self Defense Blog I would like to offer up the "Top 5 Idiotic Remarks SOME Men Say". As usual, I feel it necessary to say that most men are caring and respectful of women, but we all know men who use one or more of the following remarks. I have heard all these hundreds, if not thousands of times. SAFE International teaches self defense parties and high school self defense to about 13,000 women each year.
1) "Look what she was wearing, what did she expect?" There may be no more stupid, idiotic, asinine remark ever spoken by SOME men. They try to justify their own stupid actions or comments based on what a woman might be wearing. Now, sometimes it may just be a stupid comment made to friends in hopes of gaining a laugh, but it is also the excuse some men give after they have gone to the disgusting extreme of sexually assaulting a woman. Clothes do not cause someone to take action on another person. The person taking the action is 100% responsible for their decision and actions.
2) "She was asking for it" - very similar to the previous one, SOME men will justify their actions or comments through some twisted thinking that the woman was asking for it, although she said nothing at all. SOME men will say things like, "She came on to me", "I tried to push her away", or will even come up with some pretend words they think they heard.
3) "If you loved me, you would.........." - when I teach teenage girls, this is one I hear very often, with it almost always referring to sex. The use of guilt is a very common strategy for SOME men to accomplish their goals. By giving into this feeling of guilty, SOME men now see this as an effective strategy to get what they want with it often increasing in frequency and intensity over time. I will often tell these young women that, in fact, they need to look at that comment and immediately understand that any man saying "If you loved me, you would......", is saying the opposite of what any man who loved them would say.
4) "If I can't have you, no one will" - there is absolutely no other way to put it, than GET AWAY from SOME men who may say this. This is not a sign of love, but rather a comment from someone with major issues who is actually telling you, that you are in great potential danger. I think SOME MEN might say this believing they are expressing some major level of love, when in fact they are sickos!
5) "Come on, you know you want it" - there are similarities with this one and "She was asking for it", but this is one that is commonly said by SOME men to women in hopes of convincing her to do whatever the guy wants. Often the woman is unsure so SOME men will say this. The word, NO, is often ignored by men and the strategy of trying to convince her continues. As Gavin De Becker says in his book "The Gift of Fear", the word "no" is a complete sentence. I teach that after you have given the word "no" the conversation should end. This is not a negotiation.
SAFE International has taught self defense to more than 185,000 women since 1994. For more information on all our self defense parties, high school self defense, plus much more, please visit our main site at www.safeinternational.biz